enjoy yourself

For the first six months or so, I worried that our pace was too slow. I feared with all my heart our kid's boredom. And it was definitely an adjustment, alright - going from rush, rush, rushing (Where are your shoes?! Grab your backpack! The bus is coming!) to my lingering over a cup of coffee in the quiet of an early "no one has to be anywhere at a certain time" kind of morning, and then turning around to face Yikes! all of my children, in their pajamas, hungry for breakfast, at home with me. What a relief! How terrifying! What am I doing? This is crazy!

Only recently did we start adding in extra-curricular activities. It was great and all, especially for Elijah who discovered a perfect fit (finally) in drama and for Priscilla who took right to ballet. We ended up finding something for everyone and then another something until our days began to feel hectic again. This week we dropped t-ball for sweet Benjamin who had been if-y about it in the first place and who struggled a bit with the weekly two hour practices. "He's only six-years- old," I forced myself to remember. "He'll grow into his interests, develop concentration skills like Elijah did, when he's older."

Yesterday, we took it slow. Between assignments, my children colored pictures, read library books, squabbled, snacked, rode their bikes up and down the street out in the sun. Yesterday, I helped them with their spelling, their math, their Language Arts. I worked some, I tidied the house some. Yesterday, I did not feel like the walls were closing in on me, like I was short changing my family by not stuffing their lives with stimuli - structured things to do. Yesterday, for a change, I didn't stress over what I couldn't give them. I simply relished in their ability to enjoy the little things.

Every once in a while, I have to stop and re-examine my priorities. I have to ask myself if my decisions about the children reflect my conviction that this life is a preparation for the life to come or if I'm, in all honesty, just trying to keep up with the Joneses. Do I want the smartest kids? The prettiest kids? The most talented kids? Or do I want for them to be resilient, patient, accepting of disappointments, empathetic to the pain of others, satisfied with less rather than hungry for bigger and better, addicted to "more?"

I can't do it "perfect," (What does that even mean?) but I can certainly work on my attitude - exemplify graciousness, perseverance, self-control. I can encourage them to love sacrificially, to think before they act or speak, to look at every day as a day to celebrate and to learn from rather than merely "get through."

It is warm and no one is sick and we are fortunate, very fortunate, to have plenty of food, clothing, a roof over our heads. That is enough, I think, to warrant my gratitude and a renewed determination to put on some blinders and focus on these kids, on my abundant blessings, on one interaction with my loved ones and my neighbors at a time.