darling, i'll take care of you

What did I do this weekend?

I attended the book club we started three months ago with some of the ladies from our parish and from our neighborhood - women I thought I knew because I saw them, chatted with them on a weekly basis, but it turns out there is quite a bit more to the people in my community than what initially meets the eye. I was moved, profoundly so, by the courage and quiet heartaches beneath their placid and smiling exteriors. I am so thankful for these multi-generational relationships we are forming- relationships I'm certain are salvific because they inspire me to do away with the petty grumbling (Waaahh! My jeans are getting tight!) and to get busy treating this life as a sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, "get off your butt and find genuine satisfaction in the exhausting and rewarding experience of giving something or someone your all" kind of a journey, instead of a banquet thrown in my honor throughout which it is expected that I be catered to and entertained.

I clung to my feverish baby girl because three-year-olds, when they're sick, prefer to be touched and sung to and tickled lightly on their backs. They like you to stay with them until they're sleeping soundly enough to not feel you slowly, ever so cautiously, remove your numb and tingling arm out from under their aching bodies so you can unload at least the top rack of the dishwasher before they weepingly call you back again, before they notice you're gone.

I let Elijah go alone to the library. I let him cross THE street, the one with the two-way traffic because my husband, Troy, who as a kindergartner rode his bike every day to and from his elementary school, assured me he was was old enough, that he was ready. My ten-year-old came home beaming, carrying under his arm books he had picked out and checked out all by himself. It had been terribly hard for me to say "yes" but the look of gratifying confidence on my eldest son's face confirmed his need for some independence.  It is clear to me now that this whole parenting gig is only going to get more complicated over time.

I did laundry. I painted teeny-tiny toe nails. We tried out our new popcorn popper and I had myself a few of those foil covered chocolate easter eggs I had hid in the freezer to save for "later." I lost a lot of sleep. I laughed hard while talking on the phone with a friend. I read several of the minute-to-minute updates on the swine flu and then decidedly stopped reading figuring too much information will lead only to hysteria and speculation. I prayed for wisdom, guidance and peace, and for God's will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. 

My, oh my, what a ride! How abundant are the opportunities for growth, for love, for learning. Pay attention, Molly! You're neck deep in the thick of it. 

To expect too much is to have a sentimental view of life and this is a softness that ends in bitterness.

- Flannery O'Connor