Tuesday, May 26, 2009

you're gonna make me lonesome when you go


I broke the news while we were eating dinner last week and it was about as well received by my family as a pro-hunting lecture would be at a PETA convention. You're leaving us?! wailed my daughter, Priscilla, looking all desperate and hurt and betrayed, offended. I'll only be gone a couple of days, sweetheart, I assured her, thinking she'd perhaps misunderstood my explanation, that maybe when I said, long weekend in Indianapolis, she'd heard, three month safari in Africa, but I was wrong. 

A COUPLE OF DAYS?!! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT YOU?!

My friend, Jennifer, just had a baby, this gorgeous baby: 














and I am beside myself anxious to get my hands on him. There are three of us (all mothers ourselves) heading out there shortly to do what we can to help and to celebrate with Jen, her husband, Nathan, and son, Owen, this remarkable blessing named Finn. It's hard to believe that my kids are at an age now where my presence, while certainly preferable, is not mandatory. I am stuck somewhere between giddiness and nervousness because of it. 

I've taken a turn as of late - it feels like I've just emerged from a cave of hibernation, a sometimes dark, mostly cozy little shelter from the bigger, stroller-pacifier-nap-free world outside where people do things besides change diapers and breast feed (huh?), and my eyes are having a hard time adjusting.  For most of my adult life, I've been either pregnant or nursing (sometimes both) and there is an element of fear in starting over as a thirty-four- year-old woman with, because of my children's ever increasing independence, the energy and wherewithal to pursue dreams and ideas that up until this point have lain dormant. It's scary as heck to put yourself out there and yet, at the same time, sort of thrilling. I believe it's healthy for me to develop, at this stage, my own skills and interests lest I become an overly meddlesome, micro-managing, suffocating kind of parent whose entire sense of well-being rides on the actions and attitudes of my endearingly quirky and enigmatic off-spring.

You'll be fine, I tell them, because they will be. Troy is more than capable of holding down the fort while I'm gone. No, the challenge will be in my head where feelings of guilt and apprehension will battle those of gratitude and excitement for control of my thoughts and emotions.  It's more than a weekend get away we're dealing with here, it's my embarkment into another, unfamiliar, more hands-off,  phase of motherhood - it's my chance, their chance, our chance to fly.


7 comments:

Jenn said...

We can't wait for you, Paige and Beth to get here...:)

Kris Livovich said...

That picture makes me laugh! How sad, how forlorn Priscilla looks. And you do too, but I think you are teasing... just a bit. Have a wonderful trip, you three will be a breath of fresh air to a new (again) mama. congratulations, Jen!

Jenny said...

Molly,

That is so exciting! Have a wonderful trip. I just got away for two days myself, and it was amazing. I have never left Natalie overnight, but she was fine, everyone was fine, and I have felt energized ever since!

Michelle said...

"I believe it's healthy for me to develop, at this stage, my own skills and interests lest I become an overly meddlesome, micro-managing, suffocating kind of parent whose entire sense of well-being rides on the actions and attitudes of my endearingly quirky and enigmatic off-spring."

Well said, sister! I completely agree and as you say, everyone will survive and appreciate you all the more when you return.
~Michelle

Lucy said...

Oh, I am right there with you! My youngest decided to potty train himself the other day. No more diapers. He's already out of the crib. My middle one starts kindergarten this fall. I am, like you, moving into a whole new phase of life and it is a bit terrifying. Now, I need to actually *do* something with myself, instead of simply survive! LOL!

Have a great trip!

Molly Sabourin said...

I really appreciate your support, friends! I WILL enjoy my time away! Thank you!!

swede said...

Molly - please share this will dear Priscilla . . . .

Priss,

When I was about your age, Nana told me she would be going to Europe with Great-Grandma to see Aunt Bev for a couple weeks. I thought I was going to die. How could Nana do this to me? Who would take care of me? I cried every single day until she left, making it so sad for Nana to say goodbye. And guess what? Staying with Papa ended up being a lot of fun. Though I missed Nana and was very happy when she came home, I really had a great time with Papa. I hope you will find the same to be true with your daddy.

Love,

Aunt Carrie