Do you ever read something and then feel, literally, like you've been punched in the gut by it? Here is what I came across recently, or more accurately what was quite purposefully shoved into my field of vision, hammered into my consciousness by God, Himself, because I believe in things like that - in divine intervention for those of us who relate all too well to the Apostle Paul and his, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate," line:
The bread you do not use is the bread of the hungry. The garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of the person who is naked. The shoes you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot. The money you keep locked away is the money of the poor. The acts of charity you do not perform are the injustices you commit. St. Basil the Great 4th century
Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. It's so embarrassing, but I adore them - I collect them like stamps or coins and it has all seemed so innocuous because I buy my flip-flops, clogs, heels and sneakers from consignment stores and at outlet malls. It's a couple of dollars here and a few dollars there and, good gracious, I'm harming no one. That's what I tell myself anyway when digging around through my closet, that happens to look like a Payless Shoe Source, for a match to my tangerine colored sandal.
But what if it's not about who I'm hurting or not hurting? What if what I'm justifying here is an addiction to things, to my impulses? This morning, my coffee maker was acting up so at 8:00 am, still wearing my complete jammies, I piled the kids in our van and drove through a Dunkin' Donuts because heaven forbid I go even thirty minutes without caffeine. When was the last time I felt that same sense of urgency to feed, dress, quench the thirst of someone else? What's five dollars here, ten dollars there to someone who is truly hungry, truly in need of the most basic of necessities? I admit to you, it is hard, quite uncomfortable for me - like having a bone set back in place that's been broken. I want to be healed of this, this enslavement to my vanity and comfort, to regain my full range of motion - if only I can endure that initial pain of letting go of my desire for more "stuff" and trust that there is freedom and satisfaction in saying "no" to myself every once in awhile and "yes" to Christ's command to love others as I love myself, which is a lot, apparently, so I best get busy. I might have to go (whew) out of my way to make that happen.
8 comments:
Ack! I hear ya.
I ran out of coffee filters a few days ago, and it's been "coffee drive through" time for Mommy. What I do for my coffee.
St. Basil... I can't seem to escape him. This quote in particular is so very convicting. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Overcoming passions is so excruciating, especially as the deeper ones come to surface after years of festering in destructive silence. But, there is a Light at the end of the tunnel (I have to keep reminding myself).
Beautiful post sweet Molly. The words of Christ and the holy Fathers penetrate the soul don't they? Always a struggle, the balance of what we have and what we don't and much easier to justify all this stuff (at least on my part) since most comes from thrift stores or rummage sales. Still, as you said, a few dollars here and there could potentially make a difference in the lives of our brothers and sisters here and around the world. Thanks for sharing your own struggles, it reminds me that I am not alone but have a listening ear. Love you.
that is a haunting prayer molly. i first remember it from a professor in seminary up in chicago and it has never left me.
hope you are well!
What a wonderful & thought-provoking post, thank you! The quote from St. Basil really cuts to the heart of the matter. Every year, I tell myself I must be reminded of this truth by re-reading a wonderful book that is in the very same spirit as St. Basil's quote, "Happy Are You Poor: The Simple Life & Spiritual Freedom" by Fr. Thomas Dubay. It is excellent. God bless you & your family!
We are in the process of weeding out our "extras" right now...closets spralled out on our bedroom floors to make room--to give to others in need--to give us more room in our hearts, minds and souls for HIM, who is eternal!
Thanks for sharing--you are an inspiration.
I need to copy that pray of St. Basil and hang near our prayer corner--a reminder each day, indeed!
Molly,
You might recognize my name from Ser's Comments. Am stealing time at work and popped over to your blog for the first time. Beautiful post. Really beautiful.
Like you, I am sometimes amazed by how much I really do love myself. Now if I can just love others around me with at least a similar dedication.
And that is a wonderful quote from St. Basil. I'm wondering, how do we really live this out? I wasn't raised with a lot of practice in personal charity (although my parents gave lots of money and I went on many missions trips). I think about what's the best way to practice this, both for myself and for teaching my children.
And hey, I'll be (almost) in your neck of the woods! Too bad your talk at Holy Trinity Cathedral wasn't this weekend. I'll be there for a friend's deaconate ordination.
It's been awhile since I've snapshotoftheday'ed and just now I re-read your comments on this post and they have inspired me all over again. Thank you for them, thank you for visiting my blog (my little world) and for affirming me in my faith, I mean OUR faith!! You are a blessing.
Post a Comment